QBP Announces New Brand.

Rarely do I ever get a true scoop on something, but thanks to some close connections to the wonderful ladies and gents at QBP, this time, I think I’m leading the field with some news.  QBP is on the verge of announcing a new brand.  Said a source close to the release, “We’ve been monitoring industry trends and trying to figure out what is at the leading edge of market identification and profitability.  In the past, we’ve focused on things like innovation, design, and working to serve unique markets with thoughtful products, but we’re at a point where we feel that this approach of identifying customer needs and then serving them with innovative product design may be holding us back.”

My source spoke only on condition of anonymity, and added some detail to what the new brand will focus on.  He said, “A lot of the biggest companies in the industry focus on some areas that have not been our historical strengths.  For example, we have spent a great deal of effort building bikes that go with a cycling lifestyle, and that are leading-edge in terms of integrating design and capability with the rigors of a specific sport.  We have developed fat bikes that are cutting-edge in terms of fatbike endurance racing.  We have developed gravel bikes that set the bar, and then set the bar even higher.  We have developed multipurpose bikes that are equally at home pushing hard on the gravel as they are rolling to the neighborhood pub.  Our bikes are both beautiful and high-performance–and come in at reasonable price-points.  These historical efforts that we have undertaken seem to be at odds with some industry norms…so it is only natural that we look to do what our larger competitors are doing.”

The new brand is tentatively called Placitum.  Placitum’s focus will be a new one for QBP.  Said my source, “In the past, we have focused on product development and have not undertaken the vigorous, Quixotic, Pyrrhic efforts to defend our intellectual property that we see other companies engaging in.  By the time someone else copies our designs, we’re on to newer and better ideas.  However, we can see the industry trends as well as anyone else, and thus Placitum will focus on not developing any new ideas.  Rather, Placitum will be our litigation brand, where we focus on identifying where other companies or individuals have infringed upon our intellectual property, and we will pursue claims with reckless abandon, without regard to the legal merit of our claims, or how badly they reflect upon our corporate philosophy and leadership team.”  Some of the anticipated 2015 launches for Placitum include:

  • Pursuing claims for intellectual property infringement against all people who are irascible, ill-tempered or unfriendly, on behalf of QBP brand Surly.
  • Seeking a cease and desist order against all Mexican restaurants who are currently infringing upon QBP branding by serving chips and Salsa.
  • Pursuing a claim against Specialized for their blatant infringement upon the Surly Cross Check trademark, with this recent ad:

  • Examining the potential to sue for a portion of royalties associated with rebroadcast and syndication of Sanford and Sons episodes, every time “Big Dummy” is mentioned during the broadcast.
  • Bringing suits against all ironically-dressed, upper-middle class persons who ride bicycles with kickstands and front baskets on behalf of Civia.
  • Evaluation of potential to sue all of the cities of the world, relative to their collective infringement upon the All City brand.
  • Regardless of the name of product, suing any other company who makes a bike product that, by virtue of good design or performance, could be described as a Quality Bike Product.

Additional concept launches for the brand are as of yet under development, but I suspect that we can predict claims against: 1) anyone who lives at or near latitude 45 North; 2) anyone who is or has ever served as a Problem Solver; 3) people who do not know how to spell the name of their favorite alcoholic beverage, relative to Whisky ; and, 4) John Wayne, as Rooster Cogburn.

As a longtime supporter and customer of QBP, I think it’s exciting to see them start working to meet industry trends and joining the wave of companies who focus more on litigation and less on innovation.  Those interested in applying for jobs with the new brand can click over to the just-launched brand website, or can click directly to the “Now Hiring” page.

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